Recently I heard a talk about the four women promised Paradise –
“The best of women among the people of Paradise are Khadija bint Khuwaylid, Fatimah bint Muhammad, Maryam bint ‘Imran, and ‘Asiyah bint Muzahim, the wife of Pharaoh” (Source: Musnad Aḥmad 2896).
The teacher spoke about how each of these women represented something different – different circumstances, different forms of strength, different stages and possibilities of a woman’s life. Khadija (RA) was a successful businesswoman and a source of immense support to the Prophet. Asiyah (RA) was the wife of a tyrant, who remained steadfast in her faith despite her environment. Maryam was chosen for an extraordinary test, becoming the sole mother of one of Allah’s greatest prophets. And then of course, there is Sayyidina Fatima (RA).
What struck me most was how much of her life was largely ordinary. She was a daughter, a wife and a mother. She lived a relatively simple life, devoted to her family and her worship, and was deeply loved by the Prophet (SAWS), her status honoured in this life and the next, mirroring the qualities of our Beloved (SAWS) –
“Aisha reported: I have not seen anyone more closely resemble the disposition, mannerism, and characteristics of the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, than his daughter Fatimah, may Allah honor her countenance. If she entered his home, the Prophet would stand for her, take her by the hand, kiss her, and seat her in his place. If the Prophet entered her home, she would stand for him, take him by the hand, kiss him, and seat him in her place.” (Source: Sunan Abī Dāwūd 5217).
The thing that made Fatima a standout woman in the eyes of Allah was her ihsan (excellence) in her day-to-day life, and her humility in perfecting the things that had been entrusted to her. I feel like, in this day and age, it is easy to become so hyperfixated on external qualifiers of excellence, a good job, an achievement, an award, a successful career – and not to discount the merit of these things, or the benefit they can bring to society – but the beauty of Fatima is the reminder that excellence in the eyes of Allah does not require any outside achievement or notoriety.
She was deeply honoured for her focus on what was real: her relationship with her father, the Prophet (SAWS), her devotion to the Quran, her husband and her family. The things that occupied her days may not have looked particularly remarkable from the outside, but they were the things that made up her actual life. There is something deeply comforting about the fact that a woman can live such a seemingly ordinary life and yet be among the greatest women who ever lived.
I’m in a strange stage of my life where my career has taken a back seat in place of a more homely life. I have become a housewife, for which I am very blessed, but it has also left me with a hollow sense of failure, as if I am not living up to some potential I believe I have, as if I have abandoned some part of myself by putting my career aside for the time being, as if the lack of outward achievement has somehow made me seem like less of a person.
In hearing this lecture about Sayyidina Fatima, something opened in me, as I remembered a long-forgotten truth I had known as a child, watching my mum handle our household with such grace and fortitude. I had forgotten the importance of keeping a home, of being there for your spouse and family, of maintaining a space of sakinah (tranquility). I had forgotten that these things, precisely because they are so ordinary and often unseen, can be easy to undervalue. I had undervalued myself and ended up berating my efforts instead of being grateful for the gift of a simpler, slower life.
I think I had tied my worth and my usefulness to capitalist measures, as if honour or purpose could ever come from something temporary that has been given to us in this dunya. I had become so accustomed to thinking of my life in terms of what I could produce or achieve, that I had forgotten there are forms of work whose value cannot be measured in those terms.
There is something beautiful about a life centred around things that are real and lasting – your relationship with Allah, your relationship with your family, the home you create, the people you care for, the character you develop in the process. These things do not necessarily give you anything to show for yourself in a tangible sense, but they shape the person you become and the lives of those around you.
I am learning to be more grateful for the simplicity of my life. I am grateful to wake up and spend my time doing the chores and simple tasks around the house, to cook for my husband, to keep our home, and to have the time and space to be present in my own life. I am trying to learn that there is no shame in a life that is quiet, and that a lack of outward achievement does not mean a lack of purpose.
This is a reminder, to myself first and foremost, that I do not have to become someone impressive to have a life of value. I can simply try to become someone good and upright, a light in the lives of my community because of my character, just as Sayyidina Fatima (RA) was to everyone who had the blessing of interacting with her.
I pray Allah sees my efforts, even the ones that nobody else sees, and the desire behind them: to embody, in whatever small way I can, the disposition of Sayyidina Fatima. Not because her life was extraordinary in the ways we have been taught to measure women’s lives, but because she found excellence in the life that Allah had given her.